My whole life is one big mess after another. I don't drink. I don't do drugs. In don't hurt others. I don't even smoke. So why is everything always so screwed up? When things start looking good I get laid off. Every time. I married someone who doesn't care to support his family so now I'm trying to get divorced. The state won't help me get divorced so I'm on my on to get a lawyer. Unfortunately, I can't afford one.
I worked in high tech for 20 years, but because I was essentially a single mom every dime I made went into raising the kids and daycare. Now I'm just finding out I have some issues with ADHD and SAD yet I'm too embarrassed to publicly ask for help from my therapist so here I sit. Not many understand that, and I don't really understand it either, but it's a hinderance. I used to be really good at my job and school because I tried so diligently but then something snapped to where I can't concentrate or even do simple math. Well, I've never really been able to do simple math without a calculator, but now I can't even remember the formulas to put in.
Yes, I've tried to get a job. I apply for just about anything that I can. I haven't had a full time job in 6 years yet since I've become this big, depressed mess I doubt if anyone is going to look at me twice. And who would? My credit is beyond repair and after a few things that I really do not want to discuss here openly on the board, I'm a mental wreck.
Where do I go? I have to support my family and pay the bills. I'm in financial ruin at the moment. My car is going to die any time. I owe money like crazy because in order to stay afloat I pay one thing to hold off collection if possible or disconnection and then it makes me late in everything else. I'm tired, too. So tired of dealing with it all that it mentally and physically exhausts me. No, I'm not going to do anything crazy because I know there's always hope, but it's hard to put on thick skin and let your kids see the better side when you're suffering.
I start a new job today that will hopefully last because it seems basic to do without a lot of math. It pays almost nothing and it will be a long time before I even catch up so any kind of help just putting off the bill collectors, the disconnections, and getting nice school clothes for my kids will help tremendously.
I also own a business that I might lose soon if I can't pull myself out of the hole. It's paying for itself now, but not for my time and I'm scared that all my hard work will be for nothing. I can't handle the embarrassment of failure. I can't get a loan for it for extra spending cash because of my credit yet it's my dream.
Please someone help get me ahead somehow. Tell me what to do, where to go. My kids are counting on me.
Thank you.
Where do I turn?
